‘Tis the Season

“ ’Tis the season … for festive feuds”!!

“You can choose your friends but not your family”……  A bond that will always be; through storms and calms, thick or thin?.   But many modern families are now spread far and wide.  Different generations, different expectations, different combinations.

The Christmas gathering starts off well. There are smiles and hugs as we catch up on the past year, telling stories of sun, fun and exploits.  Kisses from Aunties, hugs from cousins and firm handshakes from infirm grandfathers. Bonne homie and laughter. 

“Pop”, the wine is poured, bar open, food served …. but then … “oh no, why did they have to say that”?!

Now Mum’s upset and the cousins have mysteriously disappeared (to the pub). The teenagers have locked themselves in a room making Christmas TikToks.

Then – the office party. A hectic year is coming to an end and now is the time to scatter the silos, melt the hierarchy, celebrate and relax, except everyone is frazzled and worried about what they can actually buy for a tenner for the Secret Santa.

What could possibly go wrong?

Someone said something out of turn, or what was said was misunderstood. 

“I only meant to say that …” 

“Why do you always have to overreact”?

“You know he doesn’t like it when …”!

So here is a guide to avoiding the festive feud and a good idea to share right at the beginning of the gathering. It is not new. In fact it is a classic. 

It was the great 13th century Sufi poet, Rumi, who believed that before we speak, our words should pass through three gates.

“Is it true?  

Is it necessary?  

Is it kind?”

How many of the things we say each day could pass this litmus test?  Humans speak on average roughly 16,000 words a day and a lot more at celebrations and events. The potential for wrong or upset increases exponentially with the number of people and the number of empty bottles of alcohol.

Let’s go back to the Christmas gathering/party and re-wind, but before we give thanks for the food or the free bar, before we open our secret santa presents, and before we get stuck in to our deep conversations, remind the table of The Three Gates and … enjoy!